My husband and I used to live in NYC. WE would often take dog for a walk last night to get her and us exercise. If you've ever lived in NYC, you know there is never any way to know what excitement that you will wander upon. This particular night, we heard some deep gospel sounds coming from a park near Lincoln Center so we wandered over to check out the event.
As we stood in the back with the other dog owners, a gray terrier and another brown dog came over to greet our dog Mallory. In New York, people always ask what the name of the dog is, but rarely take the time to meet and greet the person. Meanwhile, the owners politely wait as the dogs check each other out, and usually move on. This time however, the owner of the terrier, struck up a conversation with us. He told us that his other dog passed away over a month ago and was starting to look for a second dog as a companion for his 4-? year old terrier. He asked how Mallory was to train, and how smart she was and whether or not she made a good pet. We of course loved talking about our dog and told him everything he wanted to know.
Meanwhile, this guy had a friend who was walking his dog too. The other guy never took the time to come over and say hi or comment on our dog. David, the man we were chatting with explained to Sway and me that the two of them come to NYC from New Jersey with their dogs to meet women. They say that dogs are magnets to women and that they had met quite a lot of people this way. Simultaneously, our neighbors walked by and were surprised to see us talking to David. They had just spoken with him moments before so we all laughed at the coincidence of that.
David told us that he had been married for 11 years and that he was 48 years old. His buddy, Bob, was 49 and had never been married. They both said that by the strike of midnight on the millennium, they would have the one at their side that they loved, and they vowed that each other would be no where in sight! It was apparent that both men were good guys, they were both successful, but only David took the time to strike up a conversation with others around him.
Next, David asked how Sway and I met. He was shocked to discover that we had met 5 years ago on line. We met in a chat room on America On Line, and he seemed genuinely enthusiastic as we told him our story of meeting for the first time. I told him that in order to be as successful with women as he was with us, to be exactly who he was with us. He was interested in WHO we were and WHAT we were about. I explained that because men are visual, their first question on line to women is usually the typical, "what do you look like" and What are your stats?" I told him how frustrating it is to a woman to have to explain WHAT she looks like in order to have an interesting conversation. I told him that women would prefer to have a guy want to get to know her as a person first and then later, even 10 minutes later, looks can be discussed. I also told David that I tell guys on line who ask me what I look like and if I want to trade pictures even before we said hi, that I usually tell the men something that scares them . I tell men that if they have a woman to respond to their proposition, then they are probably REALLY dealing with a man posing as a woman and don't realize it. That usually does quiet them down? and I get a laugh out of it.
When I met Sway on line, one of the most incredible things about him was his concern for me as a person. I was going through a separation at the time and he spent more time asking me my opinion of life and of my situation than of my physical attributes. He could see from my profile that I enjoyed working out and kept fit. That may have kept him involved with the conversation but I chose to think that he had depth and that was why I fell for him.
It was about that time that I noticed my husband Sway, fading fast. He had been up since 5am, just drove 2 ? hours from Philadelphia and had nothing to eat, and had survived the Lincoln tunnel without having road rage! I quickly told David that we had to go. We traded numbers and cards and promised to call if we had an eligible friend in mind for him.
After we left Sway and I talked about how lucky we were that we found one another. WE knew it could be us walking around the streets in NY late at night hoping to bump into the love of our lifetime. But we encouraged David to upgrade his limited typing skills and then bring his social skills to the Internet. I have no doubt that David WILL meet the perfect one. He is more interested in others than sharing about himself, yet he was also very willing to share his experiences with us and to help us however he could. He was polite and friendly and enthusiastic about everything we discussed.
Meeting David was a bonus that night. We talked, we laughed and we shared tips on life. If I have a friend who is looking, for a relationship I'll definitely keep David in mind. And so will our neighbors who met him too. And Bob? Bob had a dog, which was the first step, but he never risked anything of himself to meet anyone that night. It was my guess that Bob was hoping that people would come up to him to talk about his dog, instead of using the dog to strike up conversations. But most people would be perfectly content to just listen to the music or just watch the people. If Bob wants to meet others, he'll HAVE to learn how to initiate. He may have been afraid of rejection which is part of life, or maybe he didn't see the perfect woman to speak to. Meanwhile, David at least met 4 people, who have 2 friends, who have 2 friends?..
I wonder which one found their soulmate before New Years Eve? I wonder which one was dancing under the stars with a woman who was searching the world for him too? I wonder which one would try different ways to meet people who may set him up with women they think would be a good match? Sorry Bob, I'm putting my money on David.
For more information: Mary@marygardner.com and Web: www.marygardner.com
Mary Gardner, The Charisma Coach! is an Executive Communications Consultant and Trainer. She works with, coaches and trains individuals, sales teams, executives, and celebrities. She owned and operated one of the first coaching institutions on the east coast, CCI, in NYC, Philly and NJ. Mary has appeared on ABC's 20/20 and has self published a book on public speaking. Mary is married to Sway and is mommy to Jeremy 5, and lives in Orlando, FL.