There is a war between the sexes. This war is based on a misunderstanding. The misunderstanding is this:
Women think that men think like women.
Men think that women think like men.
A woman does this:
- Prepares a meal of food she likes - bitter, lean, salady, light, and expects her date to like it;
- Borrows a romantic DVD, with plenty of crying;
- Wears a scent she likes;
- Dresses to please her mainly female colleagues;
- Keeps company with women, and acts in solidarity with them;
- Trades secrets with other women, and feels empowered by so doing;
- Has deep and wide-ranging feelings;
- Is concerned with the feelings of those around her;
- Abhors dirt and disorder;
- Rages and cries at the smallest thing, once a month;
- Words mean whatever she's feeling at the time.
A man does this:
- Not too fussed about food - likes heavy, sweet, stodgy grub;
- Borrows an action or comic DVD, with no sob-stuff;
- A quick wash under the armpits and we're good to go;
- Dresses to intimidate other men;
- Happily keeps company with men, women, criminals, a dog, anything, as long as it doesn't talk too much;
- Trades mock punches, slaps on the back, cruel jokes, and has a good laugh;
- One mood, all the time;
- Is not too bothered about other people's feelings, unless he's done something really bad;
- Secretly enjoys living in his own filth;
- Last cried a few years ago, and did it in private;
- Words mean as the dictionary defines them.
Now, how can these two distinct creatures ever get together? Simple. Each has to start thinking like the other, just a little bit. Each has to research the other's fantasy world, and reflect it back to the object of desire.
A good source of research is the magazine rack in your local supermarket. Men should look at womens' magazines, and vice-versa. Men will discover that women fantasise about men who are:
- Muscular (like a swimmer, not a weight-lifter);
- Fashionably dressed;
- Tight-fitting trousers;
- Makes her laugh;
- Takes charge;
- Can discuss his feelings occasionally;
- Yet isn't a wet dish-cloth.
Women will discover that men fantasise about:
(Sorry, I couldn't resist that.)
Men fantasise about women who are:Pretty;
Good size bust;
A hint of underclothing 'accidentally' revealed;
Just might be a bit 'naughty';
Laughs at his jokes;
Has a strong personality (extrovert, introvert, doesn't matter).
Ladies: Men may bed a hussy, but they tend not to marry one. They won't bring a wildcat or crazed neurotic home to mother.
For men, physical types vary. Not all gentlemen prefer blondes. Beauty is a matter of proportion. YOU may think your nose/bottom/breasts are too big/small. Don't listen to your neuroses, or female friends who try to subtly undermine you, or lie to you to boost your confidence.
Get a few photos taken of yourself in tight clothes, put said photos in a drawer for a week, then glance at them again.
Your immediate reaction is probably the correct one.
Understand that men are in the grip of a powerful compulsion. *Any* woman can be attractive to *some* man. You just have to put yourself in his way. Staying at home, keeping to the same circle of friends, the same routine, won't help. Go to where there are men of the calibre you desire. And look at them.
Gentlemen: You have to give the impression that you are confident, wealthy, powerful, (and sensitive in private with her). If you don't have these qualities, fake them. Women need to see potential, and the origin of the word potential is the Latin 'potentia', meaning power.
How will you know if a girl is interested in you? She gives you a second glance. Try smiling. If she smiles back, you're in!
It's a myth that men gain women by chasing them. Women assess men, then give the big gits 'the come on'. You just need the confidence to walk over and say hello.
If you can think of a witty remark, make one. If you can't, just smile. Say hello. Ask a pertinent question. Then listen to what she has to say. Which, if she likes you, will be a lot.
Lastly: don't over-think it. We are attracted to a certain type, with whom we can make a better baby; more robust, healthier, smarter, better adapted to its environment. Other types just don't click with us, 'though we can acknowledge intellectually they are attractive. It's a heart thing, a guts thing, and parts lower down. The head merely gives its assent to a decision already made.
The shame is not that you don't find your onely love; the shame is in not making yourself available to your destiny, and giving life your all. Go to!
About the author: T. O' Donnell http://www.tigertom.biz is an ecommerce consultant in London, UK. His latest project is an ebook on conservatories in the UK, available at http://www.tigertom.com/conservatories-uk/index.shtml