Do you think online dating is only for the young and the foolish? Not
true! Lots of men and and women of all ages are finding the love of their
life through online dating. I did it and so can you.
Oh, No, Single Again!
When I separated from husband number three, I was 47 years old and
plenty scared that I would never find a good man to love. I read all those
stories about how a woman over 40 has a better chance of being hit by
lightning than getting married again. It's all nonsense. Your life is
determined by the state of your consciousness.
When you end an unhappy chapter of your life, it means you've got
some soul-searching and spiritual work to do. If you are willing
to do the work required to heal your emotional hurts and resentments,
you can write a new chapter with a very different ending. I went through
a real "Dark Night of the Soul" following my third divorce, but I had such
a big, stubborn ego that the only way I was going to learn the lessons I
needed to learn was to be completely humbled.
I didn't really find my own spiritual truth until I lost everything else. It took
some time, but I eventually turned my life around completely on
every front-health, finances, work, and relationships.
As you get older, it becomes more difficult to meet eligible men. More
and more people of every age are using online dating to find their
special someone. My story should give you lots of confidence that you
can meet the right man for you, no matter what your age or
geographical location. When you're having trouble meeting eligible
prospects in more conventional ways online dating is certainly worth a
If anyone had a good reason to complain about how hard it was to meet
a good man, it was me. I was over 50, living in a very small mountain
town where most people in my age group were married couples. It's a
community of pickup trucks and blue jeans. The local joke is: "If you find
a guy in Big Bear who is still single, he's either in recovery or on parole."
In nearly three years of living there I met a few single men, but no one
that I wanted to date.
Finding My Soul Mate
Two weeks after I moved in to the new house I bought, I met my soul
mate. It all started several months before, when a woman I knew
showed up at church one Sunday with a nice looking, neatly dressed
guy in tow. In a sport coat and slacks, not blue jeans-wow!
"He's not from around here, is he?" I asked, "Where did you meet him?"
"On the internet!" she replied.
"Are you serious?" I gasped! She told me there were lots of nice men in
our age group using the online dating sites and encouraged me to try
the one where they met.
I put my profile and picture on the website she recommended
and a whole new world opened up to me. Quite a few men contacted
me, and this gave me the opportunity to practice and hone my skills at
determining whether they were worth the time and trouble to actually
meet in person.
I was very specific about my basic
requirements in my profile and it amazed me to see how many guys
seemed to just ignore what they read. I stated that I did not want a long
distance relationship. He must live close enough geographically so we
could see each other at least twice a week. I'd get e-mails from New
York, Florida, Texas. I stated flatly "no smokers." Then I'd find out in a
phone conversation that the guy smoked! What were they thinking?
Couldn't they read?
I did meet several good men and dated them for a period of weeks or
months, but no one really clicked with me. That was all right. It was fun
checking the internet site to see who contacted me, then writing and
talking to lots of different men. Sure, a few were losers or idiots, but most
were just decent men who wanted to meet their special woman
and fall in love.
The whole experience restored my faith in the male of the species. I saw
that most men want someone to love just as much as we
women do. They touched my heart and strengthened my resolve to keep
the faith. I believed with all my heart that my soul mate was out there
looking for me and wanting me as much as I wanted him.
I read some of the success stories posted on the site and noticed that in
many cases, the woman had made the initial contact. It gave me
the confidence to try my own search instead of just responding to those
who contacted me. I wondered if there might be anyone interesting who
lived anywhere nearby. My search turned up dozens of men who lived
within an hour's drive.
Something immediately drew me to Stephen's profile. He lived
in a nearby town right at the bottom of the mountain. His face was blurry
in his photo but he was wearing a sleeveless tee shirt, which revealed
his muscular upper arms. I'm a sucker for a great pair of biceps,
so I contacted him by e-mail. In his online dating profile he said he liked
to write poetry, so in the subject line I wrote: "Your muse awaits."
He was intrigued by my message. He wasn't quite sure what a muse
was and had to look it up in the dictionary. (A muse is someone who is
an inspiration to an artist, especially a poet). He told me later that my
clever, romantic line made his day.
We wrote back and forth a few times, and then talked on the phone for
several weeks. He sounded rather casual on the phone and I wasn't
sure I wanted to meet him. He was persistent though, and
convinced me to meet him at a coffee house called Grounds for
Enjoyment. Little did I know how prophetic that would turn out to be!
I still didn't know what his face looked like. Oh, but there was no mistake
about those biceps! I assumed his looks would be nothing special
because of the blurry photo. I kept my expectations low and my mind
open, so I wouldn't be disappointed, no matter what happened.
The First Meeting
I was waiting outside when he pulled up in his purple Explorer. He got
out and walked toward me and my heart nearly stopped! He was tall,
slim, and extremely good looking, half-Italian with dark hair and
eyes, an aquiline nose, and strong jaw line. He was wearing a black
leather jacket that immediately reminded me of my old high school
swains back in New Jersey.
We said hello, and then he impulsively gave me a hug. It caught me off
guard but I liked it, and it was okay with me that he did it.
We hit it off immediately. We talked for hours that first night.
Before I drove back up the mountain I told him that he felt like family to
me. He reminded me so much of my Italian family back east. Being with
him was easy and comfortable.
We dated, got engaged, and then married a year and three months later.
Online dating worked for me better than I could have dreamed!
If I had not done all that spiritual work before I met him, none of
this would have come to be. He is so grateful to have a woman in his life
that enjoys being in charge. And I am so grateful to have a man in my
life who accepts and loves me as I am. We've been together five years
now and every day I'm thankful to have such a good man as my
partner in life.
Great relationships are created through your consciousness (as is
everything else in your life). That's what I know to be true through my
own experience. Great love is possible for every one of us so
don't give up! Online dating could be the perfect way for you to meet
your soul mate just as it was for me.
Barbara Wright Abernathy helps take-charge women be as successful at
love as they are at work. She's the author of Venus On Top: Women
Who Are Born to Lead and the Men Who Love Them. Get your FREE
report-3 Biggest Mistakes People Make While Dating at