During a wedding ceremony, when people are joined together in
matrimony, they swear and vow to honor and respect each other
and to remain partners both during good and bad times.
But in most marriages, this is not always the case.
One out of every two marriages in America is failing
and will explode in divorce.
It takes two people to make a marriage succeed.
Marriages fail because of the differences in the two people
involved, because of conflicts and various problems in life.
Here are some marital insights to help you to cope with a divorce announcement.
No one is perfect, and happiness in life is a matter of learning
from our mistakes.
There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted upon a
woman than the announcement by her husband that he wants a
Even if both parties have "seen it coming" for some time, and the announcement really comes as no big surprise, the actual
announcement is quite similar to a bomb exploding in your
It can be difficult to finally admit that the person you held hands
with so many years ago, and promised to love - honor - and obey
- to be supportive of, to stand beside in good times and bad -
through sickness and health - for richer or poorer -who no longer wants
you or your love, has turned out not to be an angel as you originally
thought and believed but a monster.
When you first hear the announcement for a divorce from your
spouse, it may sound unreal, and difficult to believe.
You may be thrown into a cyclone of self-denial.
It may take time to sink in your head.
And when it finally sinks inside, you may be overcome with a
feeling of betrayal, then guilt, then hot anger and finally perhaps rage.
You've to understand that these feelings are normal and don't
let them destroy the rest of your life.
It is of the utmost importance that when you face this kind of
heart rendering situation that you find the courage to understand
that you can recover -that you will recover.
It will be hard, but you must immediately and absolutely turn
the page on that chapter of your life.
You must quickly and absolutely sever all ties with that
person - the one that has inflicted this pain upon you.
Get them out of your house. Get rid of all things that remind
you of them. Change your phone number.
If necessary, move into a new home or apartment.
Re-locate to another city.
You must put an immediate end to your
Once a man/woman has announced to you that he/she no longer
wants you for a wife/husband, you have to start thinking about
your own survival.
It's going to be similar to losing a vital part of your body,
but you must let go, and the sooner you do let go - completely
end that chapter of your life - the sooner you'll be able to set
about rebuilding your life and ultimately finding the happiness
Between the time that your husband announces the end of the
marriage, and the time when you'll find new happiness, you're
going to hurt like you've never dreamed possible.
You're going to go through a number of mental and emotional
phases - all of which are perfectly normal and necessary in order
for you to "heal yourself" of this great hurt.
You'll never be able to enjoy love or attain true happiness until
you have discharged the past from your system and healed
Think of all you're going through as a wound similar to a gash
on your arm or leg.
It's going to hurt, and you're going to bleed, but with the proper
care and time, you will recover.
You must understand that divorce is quite common - you're not
alone nor going through anything that a lot of other people haven't
experienced - and that in order to "get well," you must
understand the nature of the wound, what to do in order to heal
it, and as much about the pre-requisites to total recovery as
At first, you'll probably deny that this is happening to you.
You may pretend that it's just a bad dream or some sort of bad
joke he's pulling on you.
This type of thinking is normal, but it only prolongs the agony
of your hurt.
You must face the reality of the situation - accept the fact that your marriage is over - and get on with the task of finding happiness
for yourself, immediately.
You'll probably lay awake in bed at night and review "every
minute" of your marriage - thinking that in this or that
circumstance, you could've been a better wife, and from there
beg for another chance.
You'll want to accept full responsibility - at least a big share of
the guilt - for the problems that caused the break-up of your
These thoughts are only natural, but they cannot put your marriage
back together, and any attempts to "try one more time," at this
stage will only cause you greater pain.
You must accept the fact that your marriage is over, and busy
your mind and yourself, with activities that don't allow you time
to "rehash" the events of the past. Don't allow yourself to dwell
upon guilt feelings.
Just because your marriage is over doesn't mean that your life
The earth is very big with billions of people and you must
believe that there are many other human beings out there
who will love to become your partner again.
Accept your own short-comings; vow that you will profit from
what you've experienced; and then get on with your
You'll never be comfortable with yourself, nor find real
happiness so long as you're dragging "guilt feelings" from your
past around with you.
Somewhere along the way, you'll become so angry with your
ex-husband - the world - and even God, that you'll be beyond
yourself in your ability to express it all.
If you feel you need it, go for a therapy and counseling.
It will be necessary that you express this anger - to get it all
out of your system -before you'll be able to "feel good" around
Anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your own
sense of hurt and frustration.
It's such a volatile and all-consuming emotion that unless you
give it an outlet, it will literally eat you alive.
Understand your anger, and manage it in a manner that will
benefit you - in such a way that your expression
of it is constructive to your regaining your emotional health.
A few things you might think about doing: write the complete
story of your marriage for your kids,; how you met, your
dreams and hopes, the good and the bad, the sacrifices each of
you made, and how - beyond either of your capabilities to
control - the marriage just came to an end... write in
precise detail exactly what is making you angry, and why.
Put it in letter form to your ex-husband and really tell him
everything that has been, and is bothering you.
Let him know that you are a person with wants and needs too.
Stand in front of a mirror and "rehearse" an angry
confrontation with your ex-husband and/or anyone else involved.
Make an appointment with your priest or minister; or find a
friend who'll listen as you explain the frustration, hurt and
futility you feel.
Regardless of how you do it, it is an absolute necessity that
you let it all out. This anger and bitterness you feel is like a
poison that you must cleanse from your soul.
The sooner you get rid of it, the sooner you'll be able to get on
with your life ?re-gain your mental health and position yourself for happiness.
Finally, there'll come a day when you'll no longer be bothered
by thoughts of your ex-husband.
It won't even bother you when you see him with another woman,
and that'll be the day when you've finally accepted the fact that
your marriage to him is over.
You will have truly let go of him, and will be ready for a
new try at happiness.
Your progress from being rejected by your husband (or wife)
to acceptance of the fact that you don't want him (or here)
if he/she doesn't want you, and positioning you for a second
chance, won't come easily.
It may take you about two and a half to three years.
You must understand the damage you've sustained, the healing
that's required, and the time it's going to take to get well.
May these insights into divorce and how to cope with it help
you to re-discover yourself and sustain you for a better future.
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