There are many ways to be original these days. But unfortunately I cannot reveal any of these ways because the followers would then not be original, would they? Now, I realize that somewhere between one to two people would have followed the advice I gave, but just in case my calculations were off - and it turns out three would have followed - I need to be careful about what I write ?
One slogan which completely frustrates me due to its lack of originality is "got ____?" That's right - that lowercase phrase which was formerly synonymous with milk (and is now synonymous with everything) is so clich? that it's even clich? to write "got clich??" But the worst is not behind us. The other day I saw a sign for an ATM machine that asked the question, "got cash?" This makes me wonder how far the slogan will extend before it finally fades. Here are five signs which I hope we never see, for any of them could mean the end of the world as we know it. And if it's the end of the world, how will we ever be able to celebrate the end of that slogan?
5. got goats? - I am not sure why this one would scare me. I guess it's something about selling goats to the mainstream that throws me off, or maybe I am afraid that too many far-sighted people will think it's an advertisement for coats. Either way, goats don't need to be a part of such a cliched scheme in order to be sold. That would be very baaaad. At least that's what a sheep told me.
4. got gas? - Just imagine the confusion. Those who need fuel in their cars would stop in order to fill their tanks. But what about those who just came back from the local Taco Bell? They don't need to be at a station where they can get gas. Rather, they need to be at a place where? Well, you get the picture.
3. got snot? - We don't need to be selling snot, let alone buying it. But if we are ever at a point where snot is something in which people become interested, let's not hold down the sales by asking people if they have it, because ultimately everybody does.
2. got my mother? - No..
1. got death? - If cemeteries start using this slogan, then we know the world has become too commercialized. Not only is it a morbid statement, but those who can answer in the affirmative will not even be given the opportunity to do so.
But I digress.
Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)