It happens easily. You're conducting a meeting and suddenly a small side meeting
starts. Then someone introduces an unrelated issue. Someone else ridicules the new
issue. Everyone laughs, except the person who mentioned the idea. Then someone
insults the person who told the joke. Two people stand up and walk out. Others
complain that the meeting is a waste of time.
Now, what do you do?
And how do you prevent this sort of thing from happening?
Or what could you have done to stop it once it started?
Here are basic strategies for dealing with unproductive behavior in meetings.
Respect other people.
Always treat others with respect, even if they are doing things that seem wrong.
Their "bad" behavior could be based on many things, such as a lack of skill, a
misunderstanding, or a response to a threat. It could also be a simple mistake. Or
maybe they're expressing an indirect warning, complaint, or cry of pain. If you
respond with disrespect, such as with a counterattack, you will make a bad situation
worse. They will either retreat, which means they stop contributing to your meeting,
or they will retaliate, which can escalate to an argument that ruins your meeting.
Use questions to find out what is really happening. For example, when someone
introduced a new issue, you could have responded by saying, "That sounds
interesting, and I wonder how that relates to what we are working on." Notice that
this is a neutral, gentle question. It is not a trick question like, "What are your trying
to do, ruin my meeting?" and it is not a command like, "Hey, stick to the topic." Both
of these (hostile) responses put the other person in an awkward position, which is a
form of disrespect.
Focus on the behavior.
Your goal is to hold an effective meeting -- not teach lessons. If you attempt to
punish people, through admonitions, ridicule, or threats, you will make enemies. In
the short term, that can ruin the effectiveness of your meeting, and in the long term
it can ruin your career. So, when unproductive behavior appears in your meeting,
talk about the behavior. For example, if a side conversation starts, you could say,
"We seem to have more than one meeting going on now, and that's preventing us
from working on the budget."
Apply diplomatic courage.
Leaders project strength and confidence; losers project negativity and fear. Detach
from the behavior that seems bothersome, realizing it is simply something that the
other person is doing. Assume that there is no personal intent to damage you. Just
talk about what is happening and ask for what you want to happen as shown in the
Show what you expect.
Be a model for effective meeting behavior. If it is your meeting, or if you hold a
leadership role in your organization, realize that others regard you as the standard
for their actions. If you arrive on time for meetings, others will interpret this to
mean that they should come to your meetings on time. If you make positive,
appropriate contributions in meetings, others will infer that this is what you expect
Apply these strategies to make your meetings effective.
This is the first of a seven part article on Managing Monsters in Meetings.
This is the first part of a series of article on Managing Monsters in Meetings. Next
month I'll show you how to deal with specific situations that get in the way of
holding an effective meeting.
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IAF Certified Professional Facilitator and author Steve Kaye works with leaders who
want to hold effective meeting. His innovative workshops have informed and
inspired people nationwide. His facilitation produces results that people will
support. Sign up for his free newsletter at http://www.stevekaye.com. Call 714
-528-1300 or visit his web site for over 100 pages of valuable ideas.