Several years ago, my husband introduced me to some potential clients of his at
a summer picnic. A few glasses of wine for me and many people seem wonderful,
situations are funnier and life is more comfortable. But, I do not drink regularly so
without those wine glasses the next day it can appear as if warts are everywhere.
As the first year relationship with this couple grew, my internal barometer was
unreliable. The judgment wart was hardened. Once believing this couple to be
genuinely real and personable, I began to criticize, at least her. This was a
successful, intelligent, attractive woman who would almost on all occasions be
drunk. When being around drunken behavior is uncomfortable, my tendency was to
push away the feeling of discomfort and slip into a more satisfying judge position.
Somehow, we continued in each other's lives; we would visit our new
homes in the building process, have dinner together, and go to cultural events
together. All along, my critical wart right along with me.
When her husband died tragically in a car accident, my internal barometer went
crazy. How could I ever now know what the four of us could have been? What could I
do to make amends? Would there be time to share with her in some way?
Along with several of her closest friends, I sensed a gentle pull into a small,
select support group who, each as individuals, would help her through this
devastating time. Even though her drunken behavior was wreaking more havoc in
her turned upside-down life, my wart was melting away. My judging her moved into
second place to be able to serve and help someone know that life is still worth living
after the loss of a loved and beloved one. We would have dinner together, talk on
the telephone and draw closer to each other as time would allow.
Even memories of the feeling that goes along with being judgmental make be
cringe. There is more comfort in the preferable feeling of care and acceptance for
someone. Tragically and suddenly, as this relationship took a strong hold in my life,
my newfound friend died of a freak medication physical reaction.
Some believe, as I do, there are no coincidences in our lives. I was in the right
place, with the intended people, at the appropriate time to learn a life lesson a most
difficult way. I can never have the wonderful experience of the relationship that the
two of us were nurturing. Today a slow melting process of that judgment wart
continues to give way to a healing. It is a healing for both the loss of my short-lived,
highly valued friendship and a more reliable internal barometer. Do not let another
day go by when you can start to melt away the judgment wart.
"Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice."
~ Proverbs 13:6
Copyright? Patricia Weber, http://www.prostrategies.com.
Pat Weber is a coach, certified telelcass leader, and corporate trainer. With her
incisive, effective communication skills, her services can help you to accelerate
professional and personal results you want, by helping you increase your choices
and build your self-confidence. With personal coaching, a teleclass, an online email
course or on-site workshop, get what you want, more easily and more often. Visit
her website at http://www.prostrategies.com. Contact her for a free coaching session.