Is your hospital full of aliens, despite new cleaning firms,
Antenna waving buggies, And creepy crawly germs,
Then dont waste another second, now were into election spin,
Just complain, over and again, and up pops smiley smiley grin.
You just have to critiscise, or mention cancellation lists,
And smiley smiley grin appears, always eager to assist,
He doesnt actually do much, just smiles and talks and grins,
But it takes your mind off the bugs, the odd times He pops in.
Your child has only 15 A+ levels, and is learning how to write,
Apparently thats a bit of a problem, to just get the balance right,
But if reading too is tricky, and Oxbridge hopes looking slim,
Just bang your drum, and hell soon come, savior smiley smiley grin.
Hell appear with a little girl, who has four of her very own,
Who all have masters arts degrees, though still barely half grown,
After lecturing her elders, arguments seemingly trite and thin,
Theres still the honest eyes, vote winning smile, of smiley smiley grin.
Is your car getting very wobbly, as if weak at the knees,
Is it even trying to leave the road, and collide with walls and trees,
It might not actually be the car, just tarmac getting rather thin,
So just avoid all those potholes, and call in smiley smiley grin.
And as its an election looming, He wont risk a dodgy trip by car,
A helicopter will come in zooming, carrying the Great One from afar,
He says some isolated craters, may even now be in our roads,
Then smiley smiley grin will joke, it will only bother frogs and toads.
If youre looking for an interview, with He Who Never Says The Same,
Smiley smiley grin will meet you, on any platform that you name,
You just nominate a suitable assignation, & hell appear right on time,
You wont as youve used the train, and Tory leaves are on the line,
Amazingly, on arrival hes still there, teeth beaming bonhomie,
And though your biting questions show, that effect is lost on me,
He is master of the camera, and of the trained sound bite,
And signals and glows and radiates, as if He is the source of light.
And beams over to law and order, onto unrehearsed live TV,
Where sycophants are lined up, ID parades mainlined on glee,
And surprise surprise TV eyes, smiley smiley grin soon appears,
Faultless brave and magnificent, almost flawless for His years,
And yes, the isolated riot, and mass muggings still abound,
But according to latest figures, it all happens underground,
Anyway most good honest citizens, to believe His statistic talk,
Nearly all have vehicles now, and seldom ever have to walk.
What happened to my little dustbin, its now got wheels and blue,
And several other containers, which say exactly what to do,
They all have little lurking labels, so even the stupid can obey,
And calendars to stick up, so youll know its designate bin day,
Woe betide any truculent owner, putting cardboard with the grist,
Thats automatic statutory fining, & slapping on the wrists,
However, deface paint or hide, your beloved huge wheelie bin,
Thats go to jail, dont pass go, in the land of smiley smiley grin.
Or is it a good war you're after, or an end to global strife,
He can do both of these at once, and make both seem rather nice,
Dont believe all that innuendo, put about by the simply evil BBC,
Just believe in His little fables, just believe we are all still free,
He can now cure epidemics, save whole continents with a grin,
And smile at all his many critics, put under house arrest by him,
Every single Royal camera shoot, rock concert or England game,
Smiley smiley grin will muscle in, and make sure hes in the frame.
Are you cowering and shaking, just as timorous as a mouse,
Worrying terrorists are taking up positions round your house,
Do all of your neighbours look even more suspicious than before,
Paranoia, or sinister strangers, when you walk your dog at four,
Just calm your nerves, for they are just smiley security police,
Promoting a healthy air of fear, on scary pre election streets,
If you finally feel that terror, is truly pounding down your door,
Smiley smiley grin will appear, and tell you good guys to vote for.
Smiley smiley grin will save us all
He is powerful strong and tough,
He will carry us all onwards,
He alone will be enough,
His smile calms the multitudes,
Double smile so sincere you swoon,
And when He grins He always wins,
And He always calls the tune.
But the smile is of a con man,
Extra smiles are really smirks,
That we see him yet believe in him,
Can we really be such deluded jerks,
So He grins a winning Cheshire grin,
Stretching clear from ear to ear,
And as long as He gets away with it,
He will surely always be here.
He often counters with an old chestnut,
Used countless times and ways before,
Just throw Me out with the washing,
If you really dont want Me any more,
That might work well in the commons,
Where whips tell weaklings where to sign,
But I bet soon more than blankets,
Will be hung from Britains lines.
Malcolm Pugh March 5th 2005.
Smiley Smiley Grin has been tried by people
About the Author
Malcolm Pugh - old systems programmer.