When starting a new relationship, we usually adopt a
subconscious idea as to how much maintenance this
connection will need. Usually, if given some thought, we
can throw a microscope over this concept while it is in its
However, time, no matter how you cut it, is a commodity
and is as precious as a trillion dollars in your hot little
hands. We attempt to save it, cut it, splice it among several
tasks, take it for granted, and waste it. Although, most of
us never consciously connect relationship maintenance with
In going back to a new relationship, it cannot be denied that
in this most tender state, both parties look to each other for
needs to be fulfilled. If enough maintenance is not given by
one, the other will eventually pull back, unless an
understanding is clearly stated from the outset.
For example, at this point in my life, with a young daughter,
my time is squarely directed towards my family. This is
especially true, considering I spend my mornings with her,
and see her every night. In order for me to be able to give
any other relationship the consideration it needs, I would
have to scale back my time with my family, and at this point
I am not willing to do this.
Being spread as thin as hot butter is a concept we can all
This is just my viewpoint on maintaining the integrity of my
family relations. Moreover, it is not a reality for myself to
hook up with my friends at the drop of a hat anymore, at
least at this point in my life.
So how do we make this determination as to how much
time we should designate to prospective relationships?
Well, it merely comes down to how solid a foundation you
wish them to be on. For me personally, I want my family
relationships to be on a rock-solid foundation. Sacrificing
the maintenance of other relationships is how your value
system should be designed.
Secondly, examining your friendships and their cost benefit
ratio, not only for you, but for the friend, should definitely
Are you going to be the type when life deals a bad hand to
your friend, you abandon that particular person just because
some gears inevitably switched for them? If you are that
non-understanding of a person, you are not a true friend.
Then comes in the question of loyalty to that friend, if you
struggle with spending less time with him/her due to their
newfound change. Having a heart to heart discussion with
that person to obtain his/her mindset and system of values,
would always be the best route to take.
From your viewpoint, do to your friend's life changes, you
inevitably feel snubbed and hurt. It is hard for you to
respect his/her wish to spend more time with a new friend,
for example. This is true, even though you know that life
keeps moving forward no matter what, change is always a
huge part of life.
It is not about you all the time.
A more selfless mindset would guide you and you would be
happier for your friend's newly found joy. Understanding
that scaling back as life's changes come calling, gives you
the expectation that this indeed will be an integral part of
your relationship, rather than backing out completely.
An understanding among friends.
If you are an understanding friend, or wish your friends
were more understanding, then laying this foundation down
sooner than later in the relationship is best. When one
party feels betrayed, this gives not only this relationship the
respect it needs, but when your life change occurs, they
won't feel slapped in the face.
If your friends won't be your friends because they don't
have limitless access to you anymore, then you don't have
to invest too much time into maintaining that relationship.
This means they cannot appreciate your higher and lower
Invest into your family your time and love, and then have
an understanding with your friends that being flexible rather
than rigid, will strengthen your relationship with them.
Remember, a relationship is a two-way street that needs
maintenance and time, so giving too much to a friendship
will inevitably take away from your family.
Making this proper assessment is logical and practical and
results as a template to follow from which you can issue
time to your perspective relations.
--by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com
Want to improve your personal values?
Get high-quality-relationship advice for guys and women from a 'Logical' standpoint. Visit ValuePrep - Relationship Advice for Guys & Women.
**Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners**
Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your
ezine or on your website as long as you leave all
links in place, do not modify the content and
include our resource box as listed above.