Deep down, we haven't evolved as much as we would like to believe. Like the caveman, we still want to curl up next to someone during the dark of night so that we aren't so alone in the cold survival game. We want to feel safe, warm, and loved inside and out. It's hardwired into our brains. We travel in packs and we care for our young for a very long time. We need a mate to travel with, someone to love, someone to cheer when we win the battles against vicious animals, someone to guard the cave when we need to lick our wounds from the battles we lost. It's not about being needy or codependent, it's about a need for connection, partnership, usefulness, and co-creation. It's the way humans were designed.
The male is designed to hunt and protect. He is built bigger and stronger because it's his job to protect those he loves and to provide the meat. He has an unmistakable need to stalk and outsmart his prey. He needs to physically move with speed and agility in order to actively conquer the object of his focus. His mind is designed for cunning and for calmness in battle. His life and the lives of his loved ones depends on his ability to be strong, smart, and stable. He approaches his relationships the same way. It's only natural that he's going to use those skills which are so finely tuned and perfected. He must pursue that which he wants. The game of pursuit is his secret delight. He loves the challenge of the chase. It makes him feel alive, the life force flows through him as he scores that first smile, the first kiss.
The female is designed to gather and nurture. She is built with an eye for the smallest detail and the ability to verbalize. It's her job to gather the nuts, fruits, vegetables, firewood, and to herd the children. She has to be able to recognize the poison foods from the nutritious. She must recognize and gather the healing herbs in order to help her loved ones survive their various ailments. The family's mortality rate is in her hands. She has to watch over them with a critical eye for detail watching for the first signs of fever and sickness. If she can catch it early, her chances of saving them is higher. She uses language to keep tabs on where the children and other women are so that none are lost while foraging for the berries and such. She uses language and her magnetism to keep her loved ones near so that she can watch over them. She draws her man in the same way. If she can't pull him into her nest, then how will she be able to look after him?
So how does that all play out now in modern times? Well, he doesn't have an outlet for his athletic and cunning. He hunts and battles vicariously through the television remote control. He is lost in a suit and tie world. He creates war and battle without realizing it because he has to feel that he's protecting his loved ones from an enemy. He still tends to 'conquer' his woman. She doesn't know the healing arts anymore and uses her words and keen eye to nitpick and tear down her loved ones. She overspends at the mall in order to touch that part of herself that needs to gather supplies for her family. She creates illness and scarcity so that she has an excuse to heal and gather things close to her again. She manipulates her man into marriage. Neither one knows what it is they're doing on a subconscious level to create the situations needed so that they can live out their roles.
What can we do about it? We need to acknowledge who and what we are. Quit lying to ourselves and pretending that we're civilized and enlightened. We are just cavemen with technology, laws, and manners. The core of our biological programming hasn't changed all that much. We're still afraid of the dark and in awe of the moon. The forces of Mother Nature and her seasons is still beyond our full comprehension. We still need each other. Most importantly we need to feel at one with ourselves. We need to rectify the world we live in today with our biological skills, drives, and motivations. We need to feel useful and that our lives have meaning and purpose. Men need to find a constructive way to hunt and protect. Women need to find a healthy way to gather and nurture. Stop arguing over things like equality and whether or not we can do each other's jobs. It's not important. Everyone can do everything, but that doesn't mean that's where our natural gifts and talents lie and it doesn't mean that what we choose to do is in alignment with who we really are. Move beyond stereotypes and into the core of what the human animal really needs in order to thrive not just survive.
We can start by finding an outlet for our core instinctual drives. He doesn't like being manipulated and nagged at anymore then she likes being conquered and dominated. Sure there needs to be a bit of these things in the initial courtship. He needs the challenge of using his physique, his cunning mind, and his abilities as a provider to win the girl. She needs to know that she can magnetically attract him to her side and that he'll keep her safe from the bad guys. The strong relationships are the ones were the man keeps on impressing the woman with his cunning and ability to provide for the family's needs. Likewise, the strong relationships include a woman who knows how to magnetize her man and how to nurture her family. Our relationships improve when we learn to use our gifts for something more constructive then just tearing each other apart.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
About The Author
Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow's Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.