So often in the bloom of a new romance we set aside a few "minor" character flaws to let the relationship continue, where sometimes we really should just end it early, and cut our losses. I'll make a list of a few of the ones that often come up. Unfortunately, individuals that have these red flags are often the most charismatic people in the room. So be careful when you are starting out, so you can disengage before you are too involved.
- 1. Do they make all of the decisions for you? They chose where to go, what to eat, who you will be with?
- 2. Must they know where you are all of the time? Are the calling too often to check up on you? Are they calling you eleven times in an hour because you couldn't get to the phone? (Calling that often isn't cute, it's controlling.)
- 3. Do they force themselves sexually too early in the relationship? Are they pushing for intimacy too early? Are the pushing you in other intimate areas you do not want to go.
- 4. Do they lie? If they lie about minor details, they will lie about more, later on. This will happen. It is one thing to lie about small social things, lies about marriages, children, jobs, housing, finances, and past experiences is not acceptable.
- 5. Are they physically aggressive? Are they mean to your pets or other small animals? Do they hit the walls?
- 6. Are they kind to other people? Do the run down other people? Stay away if they fail these tests. You will be their subject when you are not in earshot. Maybe not today, but one day, this will happen.
- 7. Are they putting you down in private or public? We build up people we love; we do not tear them down.
- 8. Do they want you to slow down other social contacts and be with them instead of others in your social circle?
- 9. Do they forget important details in your life, or interests that you really hold near and special to you? If they gloss over them, they really think more of themselves than you.
- 10. Do they fail to acknowledge your areas of expertise? Are you a fantastic cook and they won't let you cook?
This is really a short list, listen to your gut, your natural instinct, if something feels funny, stop and evaluate it honestly. Ask yourself if your close friend was describing these events and what they would do. If it sounds odd what you're telling your friend, guess what, it is odd. End the new relationship while it is early, before you give that person your heart.
Stephanie writes many more articles at http://romancelessons.blogspot.com.
She is also the editor for CopyKat recipes - you have tried it in the restaurant, now make it at home. http://www.copykat.com.