As I sit here and ponder my existence my heart is burdened by much. See I seek you but feel so unworthy of you, unworthy to be looked on by you. My Lord, I too know the pain of betrayal. I know the feeling of deception. I cry out to you in my need and feel humbled in knowing that You first felt the sting of betrayal, You first knew the look of deception and You first were the one to confront the one whom had betrayed You. My heart grows weak with an ache that only You may know Lord. I have my friends as You had Yours. I know the love of family as You knew Yours. I cry out to You, take my pain away from me, then I stop and reflect on the day Your's was given to You. Am I worthy to know the feeling of this ache? Do I need to suffer my own iniquities to feel closer to my Lord? For to know anyone is to walk a mile in the shoes they wear. For as I long to know You, I also long to be as You were. I carry the burden of my own sins, where You carried that of us all. Am I worthy to ask You to walk along side me? I feel that I am not.

I reach out for something, but know not what I ask for. So I say unto my Lord, help me, hear my cry, lead me into what You wish me do. I am unresponsive without You, and I feel no things without You. I am filled with a pain and an ache that runs to my soul. For even thought the deception was clear, as it were for You, I needed to believe in what should be. I do not compare myself to my Lord, for I know I am a mere servant in thine eyes and am unworthy of such love. I am so thankful for the gift You have given to me, and to be able to receive this gift with a whole heart. I prepare my body for knowing the price of my sin. I long to know the true joy of seeing my Lord and Savior. For I know not one who would take my own unlawfulness and carry it upon their back. Know when You bore my stripes and cried out in pain I begged to be with you. While Thy hands were pierced for me and Thy feet impaled for my own life, I cried out in pain with You, Lord. For You and only

You have been my constant from the day I was birthed and till the day of my death. My resurrection in Heaven will find me on my face begging your forgiveness of my own worth, and pleading for a chance to return Thy love. Thy love unconditional and true and the knowing is what leads me in my own life and allows me to reach beyond the borders of sin and hate to bring more servants to You, Lord. I ask in knowing I am unworthy, but even so, please Lord guide me and direct me? If I am to remain in a loveless world my intention is clear. Even though my heart grieves. I will do Thy bidding with a peaceful heart. I know thy path is clear. Allow me to do Your will as You have done the Father's, and not my own. Knowing many has made my heart leap, but knowing You has filled me with joy. Knowing many has made my heart grieve, but knowing Thee has made my heart at peace. For I love Thee to the depths of mine soul, and I am always, eternally Yours Lord. For God So Loved The World He gave His Only Begotten Son.... Be eternally with me Lord even though I am unworthy, I beg your unconditional love...

Eternally, Faithfully Yours,

Vaughn Pascal

* See below.

John 15:17 These things I command you, that ye love one another.

John 15:18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.

John 15:23 He that hateth Me, hateth my Father also.

John 16:23 And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily I say unto you, whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it to you.

John 12:46 I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth in me should not abide in darkness.

John 12:47 And if man hear my words and believe not, I judge him not: for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world.

John 3:15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 3:17 For God sent his son into the world not to condemn the world but that the world through him might be saved.

Luke 22:48 But Jesus said unto him, Judas betrayest thou the Son of man with a kiss?

Luke 22:34 And he said, I tell thee Peter, the cock shall crow this day, before that, thou shalt thrice deny thou knowest me.

John 14:2 In my father's house there are many mansions, if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

John 14:3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself, that where I am ye may also be.

John 14:6 Jesus said unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life, no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

Mark 8:34 And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

Mark 8:35 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it, but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospels, the same shall save it.

*see below Mark 8:38 Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed , when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the Holy angels.

Mark 14:62 And Jesus said, I Am and ye shall see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of Power, and coming in the clouds of Heaven.

Vaughn Pascal