Why is it some people look at dating as a game while other look at it as serious "soul mate searching"? That all depends on what you searching for; a friend, a lover, or are you searching for a true lifetime commitment?

The existence of this game makes sense. Most people do not want their choice of mate to be the first person who comes along. So people explore various partners in hope of finding a good match. Some will be winners, but some will be losers in this game. Others who have played the game now have a clear idea of what they are looking for in a mate and are more inclined to settle down into a serious relationship. They key is to find someone who is at the same stage of the game as you are.

There are some people who believe they are ready to settle down but have not yet opened their minds and hearts to a real relationship. These people usually have rules that they believe they should adhere with when entering the dating world. While their intentions may be good, in their minds they have a picture of what their "perfect" soul mate will be. The problem is no one could possible ever match up to this so-called "perfect mate. So the question is are they in or out of the game? While they may truly feel ready to settle down, in reality they still date continuously trying to find the one that measures up to the standard they have set.

This brings me to a best selling book called "The Rules". This book explains how women should play hard to get if they want to get their guy. I know women who actually use this book as their guide to find the man of their dreams. They follow the advice on how to be mysterious and appear exciting, only to have it fall apart. So what's the problem?

Well when you believe you are ready for a serious relationship and instead of going into it honestly and openly you portray a character from this "dating guide", you're not being honest and are not being true to yourself. What happens when you fall for this person and want to become more available? What happens when you're tired of playing the role of the ever exciting date and you need to get real? If this relationship is ever going to evolve you have to be yourself sometime. Will your potential mate still be interested when you're suddenly available to spend every Friday night with them?

The answer is; before you can label where you are in the dating game you have to figure it out yourself. Real people want real relationships, not dates based on a set of rules and guidelines. Of course there are still general criteria people have when looking for a potential mate, such as, location, moral values etc.

Your journey will require the need to look within yourself, and discovering what you type of relationship you are truly in search of.

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Lori Grudzien is the Managing Editor of the website LifeChoicesWeb.Com, a website dedicated to "Living a full life, by learning to love yourself". Topics include Health, Aging, Divorce, Relationships, Career, Stress, Anxiety, Self-Esteem & Self Help.