Tonight I'm going out with two extremely impressive ladies who I am introducing to one another. They are both GORGEOUS, in their mid 20s and both incredibly intelligent. One is divorced with kids and is probably one of the most flawless and incredibly beautiful women I've ever met, the other is single and possibly one of the most fashionable and forward thinking women I've ever met.
One of these ladies I've been coaching for over a year, the other is a new client. I thought that they would really enjoy each other because they are both serious about their work, both make a lot of money, are very smart and they have another few things in common.
They FLIRT!
Okay, let me get one thing straight. Neither of them HAS to flirt. Men would fall all over either of them just because of their beauty alone. But they both have very outgoing personalities and are charming in addition to being smart. They also have ANOTHER thing in common.
WOMEN DESPISE THEM.
I know! Can you believe it!? Women hate both of these ladies because of their beauty and their talent. Not only do women despise them but they are torturous to them! They talk behind their backs, they spread rumors and they treat them mean.
CAT FIGHT, CAT FIGHT.. I can just hear all of you guys now! Oh PLEASE! I know enough about you guys to know that you have envy too, but you just handle it differently.. like try to injure each other on the basketball court, or kill each other on the golf course. Okay, maybe not as much, but men are naturally competitive and it drives you harder. You often feel you have control over your destiny since you are often judging yourself on your income.
Women? We get judged on our looks first, and THEN everything else.
The thing about both of these women is that they are some of the nicest people I know. They are fun and lively and smart. They are ambitious and they are interesting to talk to. I have enjoyed getting to know both of them very much and I just know that if women would take some time to get to know them, they'd enjoy their company. But instead, the women demean themselves by displaying raging jealousy and use up all of their energy in a negative way? instead of being productive.
Okay, let me address the fact that they flirt. What I've counseled at least one of the ladies to do is to be personable and friendly when work isn't the primary focus, but when presenting to an audience, especially in a mixed group, professionalism is the best bet.
One rule of thumb: Don't flirt at the office. Okay, if you do flirt, then just don't flirt in front of other women. That brings up insecurity in other women. And DON"T flirt with another woman's man when she's there. That is the ULTIMATE "no no"!
So I have two challenges here for ladies. If you are beautiful and in business A) Be better than everyone else at your job. Come early, stay late and be committed to your company. If people are going to be talking about you (and they will) at least they won't be able to say that you don't work hard. You know that they'll be saying things like that you "slept your way to the top" and that can be damaging to your reputation. So be the #1 employee in your department and do whatever you can do education wise to stay on top.
Next, be a supporter to other women. You are a target for hatred, jealousy and other women's insecurity. Whatever you can do to pull women together or serving them will help women get over your major issue of beauty. If you are a mom and don't have time to throw networking get "togethers", then at least make sure you have a few female friends in your back pocket to commiserate with. I've encouraged these women to get on a sports team so they aren't seen as the "pretty and successful" ones there. They can be sweating it out looking gross like everyone else.
"Although I bet these two women don't sweat. They're too perfect. You should see them, I bet they never have ANY problems.. I have had to work SO much harder than them and I never had anyone coaching me when I was THEIR age. Hmmmmph!"
Ooopss!! I guess I even have to catch myself at times. I remind myself that we are all on our own paths and that while beauty and money may make life a bit easier, they can make it a bit more challenging too.
And you know I LLLLLLOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVE a challenge!
For more information: mary@marygardner.com or Web: www.marygardner.com
Mary Gardner, The Charisma Coach! is an Executive Communications Consultant and Trainer. She works with, coaches and trains individuals, sales teams, executives, and celebrities. She owned and operated one of the first coaching institutions on the east coast, CCI, in NYC, Philly and NJ. Mary has appeared on ABC's 20/20 and has self published a book on public speaking. Mary is married to Sway and is mommy to Jeremy 5, and lives in Orlando, FL.