"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"
Whether parent or teacher, we have all "been there" and "done that" with a child exhibiting refusal behaviors. Before "losing your cool" and your power as well, interventions and strategies are provided for use to help deescalate this classic power struggle.
-Avoid placing yourself in a stand-off situation with the child.
-Don't "mark a line in the sand" unless prepared to follow through with the consequences on your own. Creating a demand situation?."You will sit in your seat or I will call someone to seat you"?.will cause the authority figure to lose his/her power. This is a main goal of oppositional children?personal control over their environment.
-Under a demand situation, especially with authority figures, an oppositional child will be more likely to escalate to extreme opposition. Stop talking. Give the child a chance to detach from the situation with some power. Problem-solving the situation when both parties are calm will prove more productive.
-Phrase requests which are more likely to bring an oppositional response with a negative statement?"I don't expect you would want to?." Or "You probably wouldn't want to?.."
-Create a situation where it is more worth the child's while to be part of.
-Use distraction.
-Give choices which give the student some control.
-Give the student a specific leadership role during stressful transitions, such as day care dismissal. Monitoring younger children for appropriate dismissal behavior, such as sitting quietly, would be an example of a specific leadership role.
These children can be extremely challenging. Should a pattern of continuing emotionality become evident, additional advice from professionals, such as the child's pediatrician or a school guidance counselor, would be recommended in order to develop a positive behavior support system to help ensure behavioral success.
Sheree S. Marty has worked with elementary school children as a school counselor for the past nine years. A physical education teacher for thirteen years, Ms. Marty earned her Master degree in Counseling in 2000. Ms. Marty is the author and owner of "Chinese Jump Rope", a childrens games book and website. For more information, visit http://chinesejumprope.tripod.com