For Better or Worse

I was in the middle of a conversation the other evening with a friend of mine, and her better half. The conversation was about the kids. She has kids, he has kids. The conversation was going fairly well, problem was being worked out until, they started complaining about each others kids. Now everyone thinks their kids are perfect, they are angels, they are apart of us, so how could they not be, right?

This couple has been married before, the my kids are better than yours argument broke out. I sat back and listened, now most people would excuse themselves and leave, but not me It isn't like I want to listen, and get a kick out of people having trouble, because I don't like it, especially when it is two people I really care about. I just wanted to see if it worked itself out, and when they asked me for advice (because they always do) I had all the right information and knew both sides.

Mixing families is a very hard thing to do. I came from a family with half sisters and step siblings, and it was difficult for my mom and dad and for the man she is married to now. You take one family who already has set down rules and they have discussed the things which are expected and then you take the other family with their own rules and expectations. It is a difficult thing to try to blend together. The kids end up not knowing what to do, who is in charge, what rules count, their world is turned upside down, then the parents are stepping on each others toes trying to decide what to do.Everyone becomes divided, noone is happy and sides begin to form.

I suggest to anyone thinking of bringing two families together like that, to sit down with everyone, kids and all. If you don't do this first I think you are asking for trouble. We all have fears, we all need support and reassurance that it is going to be okay, that everything will work out, it may be hard at times but it will be worked out as a family. The couple, my friend and her partner worked this situation out, they did do the family discussion to begin with, now if there is a problem , they first work it out between themselves and then bring the kids in to have their say.

I am a firm believer in communication, if there isn't, then it will not work. Counseling can help for anyone who is already in that rut, with the mixing of families. But the key is open communication. Good luck and God bless..

Vaughn Pascal

For God and Country

To God and Jesus; Thank you. To Bub and Doc; I love you.