Have you ever felt that relationships are messy? These messes, are they inevitable? Is there anything to do to minimize the mess? Can cleaning a messy relationship be possible? How do you manage a relationship with some many different kind of people?

GET TO THE POINT

Maybe a forceful, loud and lively person gets your attention with their to the point style in a meeting or encounter. If you ask him or her about any of their goals or what they are up to, what sticks out most is their remarks wrapped in "what it will do for me." In general, it is likely a communication with a person high in dominance ? their focus is on results and control.

If someone you know tends toward dominant behaviors, you want to take a direct approach to get your point across. They generally make quick decisions. They are impatient and tend to "tell" others what to do. Quickly then, highlight options for them, focus on the results and get to your point.

WHO DO YOU KNOW?

There's the loud and lively person who we can be in relationship with who is as self- assured as our dominance friend, but behaves a bit more lively, charming and enthusiastic. Their conversations fill up with long stories about who does this, who likes that, all about "who." The influencer's focus ? other people.

When someone uses more influencing behaviors, our best general approach is casual, friendly and enthusiastic. Involvement with people is a goal of this upbeat, talkative style. Be enthusiastic right along with them if it makes sense. What people say and who you know, is high interest to this style.

RELAX

It could seem the quiet, soft-spoken and most cooperative people are all around you. Don't let their relaxed, go-slow manner be deceiving. They have a strong need for and preference for stability, something that helps them to minimize any kind of mess. It could be you are with the steady style.

For the person who uses steady behaviors, you will find this patient person and good listener does more "asking" than telling. They can be counted on in business and friendships. If they appear uncertain, it may just be that they go slow and take a thoughtful approach.

GET IT DONE RIGHT

You may be on a committee with an unemotional, controlled and "let's take it step- by-step" logical mind. If they seem distant or indirect, it's because their energy is in the direction of assuring accuracy and order. It's quite logical that you are in the standard conversation of the conscientious style.

Someone who seeks, questions and tends towards perfection, those conscientious behaviors, is usually motivated by high standards. If you provide an environment with facts and organization and minimize emotional situations, you will bring out the best in this person.

RIGHT ON: Yes; for you quick learners. You can learn to easily observe and even hear a person's style so you can choose to adapt for a more effective relationship!

Pat Weber is a coach, certified telelcass leader, and corporate trainer. She is also an authorized distributor for DiSC? via Inscape Publishing. With her incisive, effective communication skills, her services can put problem solving in your own hands, by helping you increase your choices and build your self-confidence. With personal coaching, a teleclass, an online email course or on-site workshop, get what you want, more easily and more often. Visit her website at http://www.prostrategies.com and sign up for a free Newsletter Subscription to Crux of the Matter.