Out of the blue, slap bang in the middle of a working day, an
unexplained sensation inside your mouth breaks your
concentration.
You have deadlines to meet, and you react
merely by immersing yourself with new determination in the
task in hand.
At least until the next day, when the mild discomfort has
progressed to a stabbing pain.
Any wishful thinking that the
fate of the whole world depends on your finishing your work is
now irrelevant. When you reach the dentist, he shakes his
head sympathetically and jabs a needle right into your gums.
Wonderful thing, these anesthetics. The ache is gone even
before he lays a finger on that troublesome tooth!
Now, let's imagine you were created with a kind of natural
anesthetic, that washed your mouth continuously so that you
never got toothache. Good? Probably not. You'd never know
when a tooth needed attention, until it would be far too late.
Horrified and sickened..
Problem is, this isn't as far fetched as it may seem. You see,
you get anesthetics for the body, and other anesthetics for the
mind.
A former teacher, John Andrew Murray, wrote in Teachers in
Focus magazine about his
experiences with an English class at a private American
school.
In order to spice his lessons, Murray was using the old
television series, "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" each week to
teach his students about plot development.
After a few weeks, he decided to stop the show before the end and let the
students write their own endings. The students liked the ideas
so much that they wanted to read their work aloud in class.
After about the third student, he put a stop to the reading
aloud. What the teacher had heard horrified and sickened him.
When he later discussed with them the very explicit imagery
of violence he had found in their papers, Murray's students
were quick to insist that media violence didn't affect them
because the graphic scenes they saw on TV and films were
"fake". Murray then asked them how they would feel if they
saw a dog on TV getting riddled with bullets.
"How horrible!" they cried out in unison.
Murray concludes that unlike the human carnage they
regularly witnessed on TV, his students had found animal
deaths appalling because they had seldom seen it. For the
first time, they realized how desensitized they had become to
violence.
Sad, isn't it?
The truth is, with most human beings the desensitization
process goes even further. Much further. Sometimes, it's
good. ( We eventually "get over" a loss, or forget a traumatic
episode.) More often, it's anything but good.
Remarkable human talent
Take the remarkable human talent for hurting others by what
we say.
At times, it's deliberate; we WANT to inflict verbal
pain on our friends -whether we admit it or not. (Often, this is
to compensate ourselves for imagined feelings of inferiority).
At other times, we don't intend to offend, but do so
nonetheless.
It's the art of anesthesia again. We've become desensitized.
A seemingly innocuous example. A friend may have a spouse,
child, or parent who's critically ill. We unwittingly reassure her: "Don't worry, everything will be fine."
She's not comforted. Just the reverse. She knows everything won't be fine.
For that matter, why tell a friend who bought herself a new
dress last week, even if she asks for your opinion, that it looks
terrible on her? (I'm assuming it's already too late for her to do
anything about it; if she can, that might be different, provided
you tell her the right way!)
I won't even talk here of purposeful innuendos, backhanded
compliments, slurs and insults. At all times, people who really
want to spread love in the world should take extra care with
their speech.
Do you remember the schoolyard chant: "Sticks and stones
may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!
Utter tripe!
OK, words may be rarely able to break bones, but they can
break our hearts, our spirits, even our reputations.
And yes, our ability to develop and maintain meaningful
relationships.
Azriel Winnett is creator of Hodu.com - Your Communication Skills Portal. This popular free website helps you improve your communication and relationship skills in your business or professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene. New articles added almost daily.