1. Sleepless nights are part of a victims' experience and they have countless reasons to toss and turn. They lie awake at night filled with anxiety fearing an STD (sexually transmitted disease). Until the doctor's visits end and a clean bill of health (many years later) a victim lives in trepidation. After a divorce they worry that a future relationship is not achievable. They speculate whether their medical condition may erupt on them. They lose sleep over wanting to live a long life.
2. Infidelity creates a financial strain. This is one of the greatest causes of marital struggles and battles anyway. One client reported her spouse, who recovered from bankruptcy with her, ignored mortgage payments to run off on her. Instead of buying groceries, he paid down his debt leaving her to fend for herself and their kids.
3. There is a "need to know" the truth in every relationship! It's like the air we breathe. We cherish affection and affirmation; it's an innate need in us. When we lose trust in our spouse these feelings wane. Often our internal radar triggers a horrid signal. We feel suffocated and starved for oxygen. Truth calms a troubled heart although the loss of trust makes the pendulum swing the other way. The repercussions last a lifetime.
4. Having "peace of mind" in your relationship is worth it's weight in gold. Isn't that true? What's more important to you? Would you trade exotic cars, vacation homes, and six figure incomes for a great relationship with your best friend? That question is decided everyday by both faithful and unfaithful spouses. The lack of peace in a home can single-handedly account for more distress and affliction than any other dynamic. Infidelity is the shortest distance to that end. In fact it's very predictable; just ask someone who encountered it. Infidelity uproots the truth in a relationship.
5. Infidelity trends will bring devastating results. Do you sense a tsunami coming upon our society? I suspect many of us have witnessed infidelity in the flesh; a neighbor, coworker, family member, pastor, clergy or politician confronted us with this reality. Infidelity and sex sells; especially in today's media. We are becoming numb to this trend. I should know after witnessing almost four decades of infidelity cases. But those who felt the pain of infidelity recognize another face of this beast. Kids in marriages that come apart over adultery have to cope with thoughts of self worth, distrust, and blame. With current trends promoting disloyalty how does it make them suffer? It's not a promising outlook.
6. A new flourishing industry has emerged. Second to pornography and prostitution is internet fostered adultery web businesses. "Adultery marketers", as I call them, are reaping millions off this new venture in human debauchery. These profiteering businesses align themselves with the "alleged" needs of married men and women. They are preying on the notion that consenting adults would perpetrate adultery "anyway" and sign them up. Adultery promoters offer an assortment of assistance. Not only do they anesthetize the scruples but augment the deception, through cover-ups, lies, or whatever it takes to dupe the unsuspecting spouse. It's outrageous! This past year I appeared on Dr. Phil and was seated next to an internet mogul. His demeanor was convincing. He stood tall, proud, and armed with confidence to justify his venture. He dueled with all audience naysayers. Members shell out a much as $55 per month for the opportunity to break their marriage apart. In fact this website claims to have in excess of 425,000 members. Do the math, its millions of dollars. This is an atrocity hostile to the institute of marriage. This tsunami will over take us by surprise. Will our society survive this sort of assault?
7. Are we ready for what's to come? The next generation has witnessed a trend of misbehavior like none other. They've learned marriage does not last and isn't worth fixing. They are dragged off to courthouses then ordered to change homes on weekends. While Daddy continues to sleep in the other room with a girlfriend (knowing a call to mom for liberation is forbidden) they feel a sense of pain that lasts a life time. This scenario is very literal. I just witnessed two children dragged on vacation with Daddy and his girlfriend. His mistress left her own two offspring behind in exchange for a free adulterous vacation. In single hotel rooms with two queen size beds I just wonder where the mistress slept - on the couch. Hardly, it was missing from the room. Does infidelity cause a sting? From my perspective there's no doubt a victim lives with a wound our society offers no accommodating remedy. The outlook is in the hands of therapists, sociologists, physicians, lawmakers, lawyers, and judges. They need to gear up for a larger wave of infidelity that's swelling up.
Warning: The impending sting of infidelity will be more acute than what we have discerned thus far! It will take more than a knee jerk reaction from our society to discern a tonic that works. Does anyone care? We ought to be aware of these trends and do something proactive about them. Our lawmakers and court systems are failing us. It's time for a grass root effort to ebb the escalation of unfaithfulness. Turn off the TV, make a complaint to the media about their comments and programming, get in touch with your politicians and demand change. Infidelity is going unpunished. Judges have culpability, but we can make a difference. It's forever NO unless you ask!
? 2005 Bill Mitchell All rights reserved.
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Top Private Investigator Bill Mitchell who recently appeared on the Dr. Phil Show is the author of "The More You Know ? Getting the evidence and support you need to investigate a troubled relationship." For more information about the book, infidelity or cheating husbands, visit http://themoreyouknowpi.com.
To receive a FREE Special Report entitled Emergency Infidelity Survival Plan ? Top Fifteen Steps to implement Right Now! If you suspect an affair send an e-mail to mitchellreports@bellsouth.net with Emergency Plan in the subject line.